Lousy joke... ~ LB-69

i know...

but what do Pond do if she feels sick??

she calls a SamplerDOC... Mr. Green

i know..iwe got to much time on my hand this night... Embarassed

Three desperately ill men met with their Doctor one day to discuss their options.

One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker and one was a homosexual.

The Doctor, addressing all three of them, said "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you
will surely die."

The men left the Doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice.

While walking toward the station for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music & smelling the ale, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey.

No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead. His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the Doctor's words.

As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.

The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said "You know if you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."

Good : Your wife is pregnant.
Bad : It's triplets.
Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good : Your wife's not talking to you
Bad : She wants a divorce.
Ugly : She's a lawyer.

Good : Your son is finally maturing.
Bad : He's involved with the women next door.
Ugly : So are you.

Good : Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad : You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly : You're in them.

Good : Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad : You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly : Your daughter borrowed them.

Good : Your husband understands fashion.
Bad : He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly : He looks better than you.

Good : You just gave "the birds and the bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad : She keeps interrupting.
Ugly : With corrections

Good : Your son is dating someone new.
Bad : It's another man.
Ugly : He's your best friend.

Good : Your daughter got a new job.
Bad : As a hooker.
Ugly : Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way ugly : She makes more money than you do.

2 Irish guys lets call them Jim and Pat are sitting in a pub,but sad enough they are running out of money,suddenly Pat says..iwe got an idea...he walks in at the butcher next door and buy a big sausage,Jim says: are you crazy,that was our last money.. dont worry says Pat, just do what i tell you...they walk in the next bar ordering 2 pints...when they are close finish them Pat says to jim...now i will put the sausage out through my zipper and you go down your knees start sucking it...
...after a while the bartender sees it,and scream that they shall stop that and leave the bar...so the pass on to the next bar where they repeat the trick....after a couples of hours and 15 bars Jim says to Pat...no more mate...my knees are totally hurt now..almost bleeding...
WHAT says Pat....youre complaining?? how about me...iwe lost the sausage already at the 3 bar...

Laughing

what kind of sex is an computer??

iwe found it to be the 3 sex(AKA ladyboys)... Wink

1) if they are not turned on..they wont do anything at all.. Crying or Very sad

2) they have lots of data...but not the ability to think of their own... Rolling Eyes

3) they are told to help you with your problems...but half the time they are the problem themself... Confused

4) as soon as you have picked one....you discover that could have got a better model if you just have waited a while... Cool

One day a guy dies and winds up in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil…

Satan: Why so glum?

Guy: Why do you think? I’m in hell!

Satan: Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Satan: Well you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, beer, soft drinks, you name it! We drink till we throw up, and then we drink some more. And you don’t have to worry about hangovers because you’re dead anyway. Guy: Gee, that sounds great!

Satan: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it!

Satan: All right! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer—no biggie, you’re already dead, remember?

Guy: Wow… that’s awesome!

Satan: I bet you like to gamble.

Guy: Why, yes. As a matter of fact, I do.

Satan: Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, and Kino. If you go bankrupt, you’re dead anyway. What about drugs?

Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don’t mean…

Satan: That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack…or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you’re dead, who cares?!?!?!

Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!

Satan: You gay?

Guy: No…

Satan: Ooooh… iam afraid You’re gonna HATE Fridays.

if your wife becomes fat...there is only one thing to do..

recomend her 3km of jogging two times a day......

it might not help a lot....but after just one week the fat bastard is 42 km away... Laughing

a man walking over a brigde just see a girl who is on her way to jump...as he is a bit drunk he say...hey how about giving me a blowjob before you kill yourself.. the girl accept and when they are finished he ask, why in the world will you kill yourself..you give the most amazing blowjob...

she replys...well because my parents cought me wearing ladyclothes... Laughing

how can you tell that a ladyboy is going to say something clever and intelligent??

she starts the sentence with : well my boyfriend always say.....

Laughing

friends are like underwear.....always close to you...

Good friends are like condoms.....always protecting you...

but BEST friends....is like kamagra...they lift you up when youre down... Cool

Dear Dr. phil...

my ladyboy told me yesterday,that we dont have so much money,so i have to stop drinking beer....later iwe found the print from her visa card showing that she spended 30.000 bath on clothes,make up,hairdresser and so on...i asked her why she used all that money...and her reply was that it was because then she would look sexy in my eyes...
i told her the beers had the same function.....

when do you think she will come back??
Sad

Granddad to little Pat:

whats the name of that nazi-bastard that always steals or hide my things??

its alzheimer granddad...alzheimer...

Mr. Green

i'l do the jokes that way they stay funny Laughing