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| LB-69 Forum Index ~ Off Topic ~ Lb69 online joke book |
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 Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 10:56 pm
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"AKA DIRTY MIKE"
Joined: 11 Dec 2005
Posts: 676
Points: 2326
Location: England
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| ITV shall be filming Jeremy Beadles cremation and will be shown in forthcoming weeks on a show called 'You've Been Flamed ' !! |
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| Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 5:20 am
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Ladyboy Hunter
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 390
Points: 558
Location: on top
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| mike3369 wrote: |
| ITV shall be filming Jeremy Beadles cremation and will be shown in forthcoming weeks on a show called 'You've Been Flamed ' !! |
Beadle joke for mike
HAve you seen the commemorative watch being sold to mark the dead of Jeremy Beadle?
Its got a big hand, a little hand and a wind up face
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| Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 7:47 am
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Ladyboy Hunter
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 390
Points: 558
Location: on top
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whats the differnce between jeremy beadle and bernard manning ?
a couple of months
A lesbian goes to a weight watchers meeting and is told "You are what you eat?" to which she replies "Are you calling me a cunt?"
What do you do if you find a big black coffin on your doorstep?
Give him a packet of lockets and tell him to fuck off!
When do you know when your girlfriend is too young for you?
When you have to make 'Choo-Choo' noises to get your cock in her mouth!
whats the differance betwen an egg and a wank?
you can't beat a wank.
How do you know when it's bed time in Gary Glitters house?
WHEN THE BIG HAND TOUCHES THE LITTLE HAND!!
What goes klink klink bang?
Jill Dando putting out the milk
how do you get a nunn pregnant?
dress her as a chior boy |
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| Posted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 6:23 pm
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Ladyboy Hunter
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 390
Points: 558
Location: on top
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It's been rumoured the pills found in Heath Ledgers room were sold to him by a dodgy dealer.
That's not the first time he's been fucked by a cowboy....
Heath Ledger's inquest found he died trying to take one of his cowboy friends from behind. They concluded he "broke back mounting"
A woman sends her husband to the shop for some Tampax.He returns in an hour with a bag of cotton wool.She says thats no fucking good Which he replies.Do you remember when I sent you for a packet of fags and you came back with hand rolling tobacco.Well If I have to role my own so have fucking you
Why do farts stink
For the benefit of the deaf
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| Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 4:23 pm
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Ladyboy Hunter
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 390
Points: 558
Location: on top
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What do you do if a Hormones.?
Pay her
What has a woman and a KFC got in common?
once you've finished withe the leg and the breast, all your left with is a greasy box to throw your bone in
what do u call a rabbit with a bent dick?
fucks funny
why do brides where a white dress?
So they match the rest of the kitchen appliances
Whats green and smells of pork?
Kermit the frogs fingers
why did the pervert cross the road ?
because he could,nt get his cock out of the chicken
Why did it take stevie wonder 6 years to write a song ???
he dropped his pen
Am here all week |
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| Posted: Thu Feb 07, 2008 9:15 am
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Ladyboy Lover
Joined: 04 Dec 2006
Posts: 37
Points: 87
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Young guy goes in a bar and asks for 5 Jagermeisters and downs them quickly. The bartender asks what he's celebrating.
He says, "My first blowjob."
The bartender says, "In that case have another one on me."
The guy says, "No thanks. If the first five didn't get rid of the taste, one more won't help." |
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| Posted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 4:01 pm
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Ladyboy Newbie
Joined: 04 Feb 2008
Posts: 7
Points: 38
Location: Norway
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Jerry’s at the urinal in an airport restroom when a guy with no arms sidles up next to him and pleads, "Hey, buddy–can you help me out here?"
Though he feels uneasy, Jerry bravely unzips the man, takes a deep breath, and reaches in to pull out the guy’s penis. Much to his horror, it’s hideous. It’s moldy and bluish green, covered with pus-filled scabs, and it reeks something awful.
Imagining the kudos he’ll get on Judgment Day, Jerry holds the man’s unit while he finishes urinating, shakes it, then puts it back in the man’s pants and zips him up.
The guy tells Jerry, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
"No problem," says Jerry. "But I gotta ask—What the hell’s wrong with your johnson?"
The guy pokes his arms back out of his sleeves and says, "I don’t know, but I sure as hell ain’t touching it." |
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| Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 6:29 am
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Ladyboy Hunter
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 390
Points: 558
Location: on top
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A lesbian goes to a weight watchers meeting and is told "You are what you eat?" to which she replies "Are you calling me a cunt?"
Two OAP's having oral sex and the mans says "I cannot stay down here any longer it fucking stinks!"..she says.. "Its my arthritis"..he says "What in your fanny"?.."No in my fucking arm i cannot wipe my arse |
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| Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 6:36 am
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Ladyboy Hunter
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 390
Points: 558
Location: on top
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leave the jokes to me that way they stay funny
any others for me i need some ammo for in the pub and work? |
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| Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 7:25 am
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Ladyboy Guru
Joined: 18 Mar 2007
Posts: 1184
Points: 2224
Location: scandinavia
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| westbam wrote: |
leave the jokes to me that way they stay funny
any others for me i need some ammo for in the pub and work? |
nope...i leave them for you....  |
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| Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:08 am
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Ladyboy Hunter
Joined: 10 Mar 2006
Posts: 414
Points: 9
Location: LONDON
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england is a pathetic joke, this country is screwed, why do you think people are leaving in record numbers ?
and i was born here, before anyone trys put me down, and yes i would love to leave, so the joke is on all you englanders |
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| Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 10:19 am
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Ladyboy Guru
Joined: 30 Jan 2008
Posts: 1166
Points: 2206
Location: England
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| PINK PANTHER wrote: |
england is a pathetic joke, this country is screwed, why do you think people are leaving in record numbers ?
and i was born here, before anyone trys put me down, and yes i would love to leave, so the joke is on all you englanders |
Delivered with such poignant eloquence.
However, I agree with the sentiment 
Born in England, eats, sleeps and shits in England |
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| Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 5:43 pm
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Ladyboy Hunter
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 390
Points: 558
Location: on top
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what do you call a thai girl with pig tails?
a blowjob with handles |
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| Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 4:56 pm
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Ladyboy Hunter
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 390
Points: 558
Location: on top
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Dictionary for Women`s Personal Ads (Lonely Hearts Ad's)
40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No Tits
Average Looking - Fuckin Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological lair
Emotionly secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat cow
Free Spirit - Junkie
Fun - Annoying twat
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open minded - Desperate
Out going - Loud & enbarrasing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Volumptuous - Very fat
Large frame - Hugely fat
Wants soul mate - Stalker |
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 7:51 am
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Ladyboy Hunter
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 390
Points: 558
Location: on top
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Why does George Michael want t oplay in goal for Manchester United?
So he would have 10 assholes in front of him and 60,000 pricks behind him
What do aussies use for contraception.
Their Personality !!!!!! (sorry to all the aussies but its a classic)
A big fat ugly woman walks into a shop with her two children, the shopkeeper asks " are they twins". the lady replies " no why do you think they look alike". "No says the shopkeeper, I just can't believe you've been fucked twice"
Whats the differance between light and hard?
You can sleep with the light on |
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